I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't deserve a penis
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
