I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
