I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
