i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
