The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
