I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
