we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
