There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
