you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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