I bet he comes in French.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
