when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
