They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We're too hungover to prance.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
