please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize