Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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