Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
