i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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