so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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