just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
