he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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