i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
