just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
