i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
