ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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