I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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