So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize