so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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