Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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