What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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