you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize