It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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