My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
