you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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