also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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