guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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