he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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