Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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