i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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