so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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