Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
