I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This baby is an asshole
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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