I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
