If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
