OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
