you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
