I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
