Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
