just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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