Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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