dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
