i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
