Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
