Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
