woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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