I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you win again, gameday.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
