i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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