I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
