They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
