Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
