good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
