So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Please, let me fuck your mom
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
