i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
