just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
