he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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