he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
