I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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