Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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