His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
