i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
