I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
