well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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